At a recent conference, I heard this quote:

"Everyone can abandon you, but it’s a choice to abandon yourself."

Are You Abandoning Yourself? That quote actually encouraged me because it made me think deeply about how we treat ourselves and the choices we make every day.

Why?

Because of one word in it which makes all the difference.

"Choice".
We can't choose for someone else the feelings that they actually have about us, our business, our looks, our relationships, or even our actions. It is totally out of our control, and that can sometimes be a challenging reality to accept.

But we can choose how we feel about ourselves, and then even if we don't like something about ourselves at the moment, we can choose to change that. This is a powerful realization that can significantly impact our lives and personal development.

Are You Abandoning Yourself by Engaging in Negative Self-Talk?

Now there's an unhealthy way to do this, and a healthy way to handle these feelings and thoughts.
The unhealthy way uses phrases:

• I always...
• I hate when I do...
• Why can't I...
• I'll never...
• I keep trying and keep failing at...

Each one of these statements reinforces negative self-talk and needs to be replaced with something more enabling and empowering for us. There's no reason to keep putting ourselves down because doing so only hampers our ability to grow and improve.

In fact, putting ourselves down and keeping ourselves down is like having an ego-complex in reverse. Let me explain…

You know how you don't like it when someone constantly brags about their accomplishments and what they are doing that's amazing? While there is a time and place for that, we all know when someone does it SO often it becomes annoying and we want to hit the volume mute button when they are talking. It's just too much, and it overwhelms the conversation.

Well, the same thing happens when you're around an "eyore," someone who thinks everything is not only gloomy but also gets so down on themselves. They never seem to see the positive side of anything and bring a cloud of negativity with them.

We don't like to be around EITHER type of people! Whether it's excessive bragging or constant self-pity, both extremes are unhealthy and uncomfortable for those around us.

So let's show the eyore of ourselves the door and kick them out of the barn forever! It's time to take control of our thoughts and how we talk to ourselves.

Are You Abandoning Yourself by Not Embracing Empowering Choices?

To start doing this, let's add a few new phrases to our vocabulary. Write them down and keep them in front of you until you stop the old habit and thus abandon the old phrases and establish a new habit of embracing the new phrases.

Here are the new phrases, and we have to word them so our brain acknowledges it and doesn't reject it. These phrases will help us to think positively and encourage ourselves to make better choices:

• While in the past I've done BLANK, going forward I'm going to work instead on BLANK...
• I can make a change TODAY...
• I choose to not let my past define me...
• I can do just 1% better today than yesterday...
• I can learn...
• I will ask BLANK to help me...

All of these are empowering statements! They shift the focus from negative to positive and give us a sense of control over our lives. By using these empowering phrases, we are actively choosing a better path for ourselves.

Now here's a process for actively choosing yourself:

1. Look at where you want to go. Visualize your future goals and aspirations.
2. Do your own SWOT analysis: Look at the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats relative to yourself and where you want to go. This self-reflection will give you clarity.
3. Decide today you're going to commit to that path no matter how hard or how long it takes. Commitment is key.
4. Decide that any future actions will be tests; thus, "failures" are simply information that will guide you toward successes. Reframe failures as learning experiences.
5. Don't get too happy about successes or too upset about failures. Maintaining balance is crucial.
6. Remember, successes can set you up for future failure as you can become complacent, as often what works today won't work tomorrow. Stay adaptable.
7. Get a mentor or accountability partner or therapist to help! Having someone to support you can make a huge difference.
8. Rinse and repeat as often as necessary. Consistency in this process is what will bring about lasting change.

By doing this and taking a new attitude, you'll soon be eliminating the word "abandon" from your vocabulary! It's all about making a choice to prioritize yourself and your own well-being, to never abandon who you are or the potential you hold within.